The Smirking Gargoyle

Interesting things buried in my Google Drive. This was an assignment for my online Communications class in spring of last year.
I wonder what it would look like if I did the assignment now.

Self Concept Collage Assignment

CoriAnna Whitlock

Self Concept (Fundamental Core)

The central black circle represents my core. The large picture of the eel is an acrylic painting I did years ago- which I very much relate to. The intensity, humor, and even shock this picture elicits is very resonant with me, and I chose this picture as a very expressive representation of my general character, attitude, and sense of humor. The picture of Christ crucified on the cross signifies the integral role my faith plays in my identity. The last picture of climbing hands I included for a number of reasons. Firstly, at my core, I eternally reach for more, struggling always to be higher and to succeed in this race that is life. Secondly, I am a deeply kinesthetic person, and my whole way of relating to the world is very physical, or through touch. And thirdly, the directness of hands taking hold and making is an idea and practice I deeply value.

Self Esteem

The picture in the red circle is representative of my self esteem- Generally, healthy. I’ve always liked myself just fine, and have a potentially offensive level of self-confidence by genetics and personality.

Role of Genetics (Biology) in your Identity

The pictures in the dark green circle in the lower left encompasses the role of genetics in my identity. The picture of the two arms flexing is me and my Dad when I was little. I’ve always been very genetically strong, and this fact has had a fair influence on my identity. I grew bigger and stronger faster than my peers during adolescence, and I both value and notice physical strength and feats more than I’ve found is typical. The upper picture in the circle is most of my siblings and I, along with my mule, Duke. The family I was born into has had a profound effect on my identity. Emphasis on pragmatism over emotions, agrarian values, farm life and family history, and the various personalities I’ve grown up with have influenced me deeply.

Reflected Appraisal

The orange circle in the upper left-hand corner is a collection of some ways I’ve found people tend to perceive me. In the past some people seem to have characterized me into some kind of warrior princess character, or others a frightening gargoyle. Few people seem to be able to perceive me very accurately, even given a long time. To most people I remain as mysterious as the cloaked figure I included, even given a long acquaintance. However people decide I am, it seems to be very general, pure fiction, or a gross caricature.

If you do not know
From the very first
If you cannot see
Whence comes my thirst
Then to you I'll ever wear thickening shell
You'll never know, I'll never tell.
I'm an open book
But you cannot read
I walk my way
And pay no heed
To game, or knave, or beckoning spell
You'll never know, I'll never tell.
You cannot see me
Though I stand unadorned
They long since gave up
Worshiped or scorned
What am I truly? Harmless or fell,
You'll never know. I'll never tell.

Social Comparison

The light green circle at the center bottom represents my social experience. I’ve experienced fairly consistent social prominence in my life- whether or not I wished it. Because of my personality, I generally approach potentially charged social situations feeling as if I’ve already won. And thus the attitude I’ve struck (I’m in the green shirt, center) in the photograph of me and three of my closest friends fairly well represents the conclusions of personal and social worth I’ve come to through social comparison. The other picture in the circle represents the fact that I really don’t care what people think of me, or how I compare socially. I remain amused at the irony of someone like me enjoying social “success” who neither cares about it nor benefits from it.

Reference Groups and Culture

The blue circle in the lower left hand corner generally covers both my reference groups, and culture. My family and friends are my primary reference groups, as well as the prime ways I experience culture. The pictures of the animals are Duke again, and my cow Trillium, with her calf. Apart from being raised on a farm and the influence of that on my family culture and people I come into contact with, I’ve spent enough time with my animals to have actually been influenced by their various personalities and outlooks on life. Cows are great philosophers, in reality. This has also colored the way I interact with and think about people- I take a much more animalistic view of behaviors than many people are either familiar or comfortable with.

Gender

The yellow circle in the upper right hand corner represents the role of my gender on my identity. The largest picture of the girl is a painting I did several years ago. While there are many aspects traditional to femininity I don’t generally relate to, in that picture the beauty and peace seem to capture the essence I most relate to. The silhouette of the dancing figures I included because the grace, poise, and the relative relationship to masculinity are all significant ways that being a girl has influenced my identity. And the final picture is of my favorite flower, a trillium. Which by its singularity I think captures womanhood as I most desire it.

Difference between Perceived and Presenting Selves

The purple circle on the right hand side symbolizes the difference between my perceived and presenting selves. In essence, I go around trying to act more normal, and less threatening or disconcerting than I actually am. In general, wouldn’t care about having a presenting self, but practically speaking I’ve found it’s necessary.

The background of the entire collage is part of an acrylic painting I did several years ago.